I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.
I’ve got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there’s any chance I’ll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I’m in front of the urinal, it’s not difficult to start the stream quickly.
There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used “the trick” as usual. I get there, and there’s a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.
Of course, in all likelihood, “the trick” won’t continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I’ll be the other guy.
The solution to this problem is simple: Just don’t use a public bathroom… the world is a giant, enormous shitter with endless and diverse opportunities to more or less hide behind something and let it flow.
Why let yourself be trapped and domesticated? Your Dick wants FREEDOM!
Imagine me opening Lemmy during my pre movie piss at the urinal only to see this. I hate how accurate this is, but it’s amazing. I get nervous pee sooooo bad. It’s like everything just freezes up lmao.
Imagine not looking at your phone while pissing in a public bathroom.
So that’s why there’s so much piss on the floor
Just vocalise your internal monologue like you’re on dragon ball z and then start making sounds like you’re powering up your ki in your bladder and then blast the porcelain with a urine beam!
I always thought this comic was upvotes because the absurdity of it is funny, not because it’s a thing that people are actually anxious about and therefore relate to.
Oh it’s definitely a thing which makes it funnier on top of the absurdity.
So what? Everyone needs to be held once in a while, including my weener. It’s very comforting.
This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
That’s a real group of bros
More like a group of betas!
Which of the male influencers you follow taught you this?
No one is more beta than the guy calling others a beta.
Douchebag.
Created an account just for this comment huh?
Probably evading a ban
This is one of the reasons why I don’t understand how other men use urinals. Like how do you manage the absolute lack of privacy?? And I’m not even talking about hygiene (you don’t use toilet paper when using a urinal)
Everybody shows up to do something specific and keeps their eyes on the road. Unless you drop your pants to your ankles or you’re packing SERIOUS heat there’s nothing to see anyway unless you’re way out of your lane.
I find it MUCH weirder to take a dump in a “guest bathroom” that is a half bath with no fan or background noise and is next to the room where people are.
Also… unless it’s your first time with a wang, I am perplexed by why you would need toilet paper. Presuming you wash your body regularly and you wash your hands when you’re done it’s not like you’re dipping your fingers in the stream or putting it away wet.
It’s just kinda funny we make men piss in troughs cock out side by side while women have always been given the dignity of a door. We really did just go “idk you guys are animals figure it out piss in this hole next to that other pissing guy”
Which is why I always stan a properly built gender neutral bathroom with floor to ceiling doors for everyone. Bliss. Pee in privacy, my toilet is my kingdom.
urinals are weird and no one likes them
not only that but there are no dividers between the urinals, which you would think as a completely basic necessity
the alternative is using a toilet that some animal could have nuked
Urinals are so weird. I only use them if there is no free or reasonable clean stall. Sitting down to pee is in every way superior.
Sitting down to do it isn’t quite as fast since you’re dropping drawers, and the seat can be a catastrophe that you’d rather not touch on occasion. Nonetheless we should pee as like.
When I was in boot camp for the Marine corps the rule was three to a urinal. And when we went out to the rifle range for a week or whatever, the toilets were just in a room, six toilets, not a wall in sight, in just a room. I was fortunately not piss shy, but they definitely force it out of you if you are. Fortunately, by the time we were at the range, privacy had stopped being a concern.
This was 2009 when boot camp was still segregated men and women.
the rule was three to a urinal.
How long does it take to piss? 60 seconds? Couldn’t they just wait and go one after another?
Never served; don’t know for sure.
It makes more sense when you consider that the point is to get rid of the psychological blocks that would keep you from being able to do your business as quickly as possible whereever possible under whatever circumstances. That three to a urinal thing is under a short time limit.
Read up on what snipers do.
Yeah, everything is counting down. They start with left sock, right sock, go from there. You have 60+ guys, they’d finish head calls in “100 seconds,” and I put them in quote because it’s a guy screaming backwards from 100 as fast as he can. And so the point is, yes, removing psychological blocks to certain behaviors, getting you to move fast all the time, and obey orders immediately. It’s pretty effective.
The comic for the women’s bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.
I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.
So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.
This is how I’m going to potty train my children. I’m sure it will work out fine.
Keep em’ away from posh elderly ladies otherwise there’s gonna be lawsuits out the wazzoo.
But what do you do now that there’s no queen?
Obviously the answer is to imagine Margaret Thatcher
Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Jesus, they want to relax not to crack the porcelain.
Or…Musk, trump, clammy sam Altman and Wario amadim, Stephen Miller, Pete hegseth, 5/7 supreme Court justices, the Palantir creep, Jenson, jensons fucking jacket, that lying fucking cunt at the white House that always wears a stupid little fucking cross, all the other lying fucking cunts at the white House… Howard fucking lutnik, bibi, Putin,
…this is a fun list! Who else did I miss?
Jk Rowling, Andrew taint, the Kardashians, the Logan brothers and Mr Beast…
Who else?
Peter Thiel, Larry Ellison, the Indian dude constantly setting off my Microsoft Authenticator
Clive Palmer and Rupert Murdoch
I don’t think this will help me, but thanks for the laugh
Thank you very much for sharing
Are you Irish, by any chance?
Nope I’m Dutch .
Also y’all think I’m joking but I’m dead serious
No one would ever joke about being Dutch.
I tried this, but got a boner instead
In the end she’ll be sitting there all pissy.
The Queen and peeing reminds me of this
Pure cinema
You think someone will follow a youtube link in the context of peeing on the queen’s face?
Who wouldn’t?
One of those comments that comes like a slap in the face with a hand full of cold water, in the morning
Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.
The walk of shame to the stall after standing silently surrounded by confident urinators for 3 minutes
Just announce that you were mistaken and you also have to shit, that should dispel any awkwardness.
Nope just give the ol’: “welp!” And stride on over.
Honestly no one cares. Do your thing.
If only anxiety listened to reason
Agreed.
However, you can’t spend your whole life listening to anxiety - that road leads to madness!
I still think full disclosure is the best policy, keeps everything above board.
Doesn’t work for me, must be different room.
In high school I was sometimes late because I had to find empty restroom, which sometimes meant switching between different buildings (4 of them).I had a buddy who got a Doctor’s note that let him pee and poop in the nurse’s office.
Damn, that sucks. You ever pee outdoors? Is that better
Women/girls also frequently suffer from a shy bladder even though stalls are the norm.
It’s almost like humans have a biological expectation of privacy when peeing that modern American construction fails to meet.
Ever travel abroad? Japan has nice bidets but often times there are NO WALLS between the urinals!!!
Man in the 70s and 80s, especially at things like concerts and sporting events, they would just give men a long trough that continuously sprayed a little water. You could walk all the way around it and pee from any direction. Even as a kid I thought that was an uncomfortable number of dicks all pointed at the same thing.
Gallons of piss flow through the stadium
About 50/50 in the EU I guess, no walls between urinals are fairly normal, is it that uncommon in the US?
Buc-ee’s has entered the chat.
Potty like a rock star
T-t-t-totally dude!
I already do that. Urinals don’t have tp for pp.
You mean you don’t vigorously shake piss droplets all over the place?
that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol
Ok, since the solution to this problem hasn’t been provided in this thread, here it is:
Start calculating the fibonacci sequence in your head once you can start to pee: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc…
The reason why this works is because the calculations use the exact same part of the brain that also causes pee anxiety. Just gove it a try, it works incredibly well. Usually I have a solid flow before I get to 34 and I’ve been using this technique for years so I go through the sequence quite quickly.
Just try it and judge for yourself.
I feel this, also if I just can’t squeeze anything out there is this additional awkward thought process.
When do I put it away? Will they know I didn’t pee? Should I shake it to pretend I peed? Oh God there is a child next to me. Now everyone will think I am pretending to pee to see this child’s weiner. I can’t step away now. I’ll just have to wait until the room is empty.
the bathroom never empties out, I die there.
I solved my issues with urinals by simply removing my ability to use a urinal.
This for some reason reminds me of when my friend in elementary had a thorn in their finger and their genious idea was, and I’m not even joking (somehow), “if my finger is hurting, wouldn’t removing the finger also remove the hurting since in order for my finger to hurt, I need a finger”, which while true, they not only failed to see how that the long term not-having-a-finger may not be a good trade off for the short term lack of hurt, but also the fact that removing a finger ALSO HURTS and a lot more at that!!! (they were stopped from acting on the brilliant idea ofc)
And yes, that is one of my still closest friends, and yes, they are the factually smartest person I know including my former college professors…
