Not to sound old-fashioned, but I wish Dory wouldn’t flaunt it so, all the goods hanging out for the world to see.

“At least once a month,” because birthday month brings the average up to 1.083 handjobs per month.

Get over it. Can’t have a goon sesh without something to get me going.

Okay, send me the login details for your checking account and I’ll post the money directly to your account.

lol

Had a girl do this to me. I was still skeptical even as she was doing it. Then I guess I wasn’t.

🇰🇪 believe this 🇮🇱!?

The worst are actually rides with stops. Uber likes to lose track of time and/or pay nothing for the wait and/or make it hard to cancel when people decide to do their weekly grocery run.

Honestly, their skin isn’t even that cold. People like to be dramatic.

I stand with the Rothschilds, the Rockefellers, the Hearsts. The Illuminati. God love 'em. Good people.

You get used to it. Hang in there, I promise it gets better/easier.

Pretty sure that just creates a new dick.

You were born too late, my friend. You would’ve positively loved the Crusades. Rare best of both worlds scenario.

The Mormons do that, too.

Is there literally no way to have your name removed from whatever roll?

It was never the same after they rebranded from Kanner’s Syndrome v0.1.

Wait, if this is what trad wives do, I might need to rethink some things.

Don’t worry, non-lesbian apps have this, too!

“It’s just…my husband needs to be there to watch…OKAY, fine, I don’t have to tell him!?”

Um.

There might come a day that Walmart has more live fish than nature.

If they have to hire back 10% next month, their foolishness will be even more newsworthy.

Love you, little buddy.