Been there. When you don’t feel a connection. When you don’t want to respond to their comms. When you feel dread about speaking with them.
Fwiw, I have the most wonderful friends. Some people just move apart.
When they uproot their “normal life” and move into their vehicle and ask if they can park on your driveway and use your water and electricity and shower all because they don’t want to be part of “the system”.
(He could afford his normal life, we talked about it frequently)
You’ve got three dead bodies in tarps, a shovel, and a sore back.
At some point their corpses start to smell unbearable and you need to find fresh bodies.
No but really, same with what others said. Make sure they treat you kindly and respect your boundaries and such.
they leave you feeling worse after you interact instead of better
One thing that can happen: If your current friends demand something from you other than hanging out, kindness and maybe occasional favours, they’re not really your friends.
I mean, maybe you still want to be in whatever tribe, but be aware that a cult or gang or industry network is a different thing.
When they give you the feeling that they only like the idea of you being around, but not actually like you being around.
You seem to always be the worst version of yourself around them.
- When you’re playing tennis and the ball never comes back over the net.
- When you’re in a Barbershop Trio.
- When the warranties have run out on the current ones.
- When you look in the sand and there are no footprints.
- When you burst into tears every time you eat “Share Size” candy.
- When the short alien with the glowing finger goes back home.
- When the Jumbotron zooms in on you sitting there by yourself, and you’re forced to kiss your hand.
- When your friends didn’t invite you to the theme park and there was a tragic roller coaster accident.
- When you’re watching “Friends” and think that the characters are actually friends.
When you’re watching “Friends” and think that the characters are actually friends.
They’re a polycule.
When you can’t be yourself around them without feeling judged by them.
Having been in this position before when I was a huge piece of shit, it would behoove someone to engage in a little introspection. Turns out I was an angsty and emotionally disregulated little twat. To be fair those “friends” also kinda sucked from how they treated me while I was in some of the deepest depression of my life, but I didn’t make it easy to like me.
Hey just wanted say, respec for growing, recognizing your growth, and sharing the experience of checking your own shoes
you have very strong opinions on particular linux distros
or when you figure out that you’re living in a cult compound
Why’d you repeat yourself?
I’m expecting most answers to be about how to recognize bad people, but here is one if your friends are good decent individuals:
When you fantasize about doing activities with friends, you know none of your current group would vibe with that.
That’s usually more a case when you add a friend group rather than replace one.
Well “need new friends” doesn’t necessarily have to mean “need to replace your old friends,” even though it’s often interpreted as such. Sometimes you just need more friends than you currently have, even if the ones you have are good ones.
Well, obviously, you don’t just ghost your old group, but you shouldn’t be surprised if you drift away from them, either.
they had a kid
It is weird how a lot of the new norm for parents is to isolate yourself from your friends. I remember a generation ago where parents were a lot more social while still having kids.
There’s a lot more stress now. We’re struggling to make time for anything because we both have to work full time to be able to live in the city. Exhaustion turns into apathy, turns into isolation.
I get that there is more stress, but I also feel like there is a greater distance of friends and a higher “minimally acceptable reason to see friends” which makes the bar to seeing friends seem higher.
Might be so. I also feel like our parents didn’t have social media. The parents of millennials and gen X, that is. They had no choice but to make phone calls, send letters, or see each other in person.
I keep closer contact with my friends almost every day through messaging apps, and so there’s not as much social drought as it might seem when you go only by how often we see each other in person. I also game several times a week with a couple buddies, play badminton—there are other social outlets, so to speak.
And how the only way to keep them as a friend is to also have a kid yourself, even when you don’t want one.
Sometimes it’s just better not to have any friends
Additional or as replacements?
Additional could be you don’t have enough for a group activity, or because you have interests not shared with your existing friends, or you have lots of spare time that doesn’t match up with current friends.
Replacement was covered ny everyone else. No friends is better than shitty friends, but getting away from shitty friends opens up time to meet new people.
