Title. I miss my dad, this sucks.
Edit: Thanks guys, grief is a wild ride.
My mother died 11 months ago. Brain cancer.
I just kept going. If I had to go to work, I did. If I had to take a minute or 20 to collect myself at a random moment, I took it.Before her diagnosis in December of 2024, we were planing on her visiting, and us going to see White Sands a couple hours away from my place. I took the trip last April, just me and a little urn. That was a good trip. A few days mostly alone in a quiet place.
It worried my father, my going by myself. But I reminded him, even as a kid I always wanted solitude when I was upset, this wasn’t any different.
But that’s me. You should trust yourself.
GreveGrieve how you feel is right for you.Greve how you feel is right for you.
This typo is extremely on brand, follow for more Greve with Steve tips.
In all seriousness, that sounds lovely. You’re a good dude for writing this and trying to help out
I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21. She was the only parent I had. She was 47.
To say it messed me up is a world class understatement. And on top of that crushing loss, I had a woman break my heart about 4 months after she died. I was drunk for about 7 years.
But honestly what turned it around for me was, of course, time and surprisingly starting a family of my own.
I’m not recommending alcoholism or having children as a recourse to losing a parent. What I’m saying is time, and living your life, will help.
It sucks, and the pain is horrendous, but hang in there. This too shall pass.
I’m happy for you that you had a parent that made you feel loved enough to miss them.
I’m sorry, friend. Take the time to sit with it. Remember the good times. Tell him how you feel.
First of all take the time to grieve. It’s a big loss and an empty space. It’s OK to be sad even at what people say are the wrong times. It is your loss and your sadness.
Carry your fathers memory with you. That doesn’t mean you have to be sad, but it is ok if you are, no matter how long it has been.
I would recommend when you really miss him, either do something that you know would make him proud of you, or an activity that you may have done together or wanted to do together and then when you’re done, enjoy the memory of his smile knowing he would have had fun doing that with you or he would have enjoyed the fact that he raised you to be able to do whatever it is you accomplished.
No matter what, just remember in the end this is your loss. Process it howyou need to.
So sorry for your loss.
My dad died last year. I still miss him but it gets better with time. Being around other family helps if that is possible for you. If not maybe try doing something in their memory. Take up a hobby they were into or something
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Mine too. He was on a decline for a while, so I began the grieving process before he passed away. His one year deathiversay hit a lot harder than I expected. A friend of mine said he gets hit every year, and has learned to expect it
I let the feelings pass through me. Sometimes I use the Litany of Fear if it’s really bad, just to remind myself that the acute pain is temporary. I used to share pictures of my jobs with him, and we’d talk about work and different things we had done to finish difficult jobs. I miss him the most when I take a picture of something I’ve done that looks great. It’s the little stab of remembering he’s not here
My faith helps a little, but it doesn’t dull the pain of missing him. Even though I think I’ll see him again, I can’t see him now. If you have a faith in seeing your dad again, hold onto it, and know that missing him is normal and okay. If you don’t have that hope, cherish the memories you have. As long as his name is spoken, he isn’t fully gone
I am happy for you that you miss your parent.
My mother was a vitriolic nasty bitch who I had cut out of my life so when she finally died it was a relief to see the rest of my siblings be done with her madness.
My father has had cognizant decline for about ten years now and is pretty much at the point where he is just corpse walking around trying not to shit and piss his pants. Dude has three PHDs, has written well over 20 textbooks and was a college professor for decades. Now he can’t even read a menu. It is tough to watch and it is past time for him to die.
When your parent dies of dementia, you lose them twice.
When my grandmother with severe alzheimer died, I remember her sons being kind of glad that both she and them would finally be able to rest, despite the pain.
It really is hard mate and I’m glad you’re reaching out. When I need my dad I go to !dadforaminute@lemmy.world and get a pep talk advice or any kind of dad moment. Loads of lemmy dads post there
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I lost my mum 19 years ago. I’ve learned that the pain is a signal that I truly loved her, and I still do but time diminishes the hurt. I’ve learned that she still lives on in my thoughts, “what would mum do?”, I reflect on tricky issues, and she’s back in my world, just not physically. I notice I’ve inherited some of her mannerisms the more I age, so she’s never far away and continuing to persist through me. It sounds as if your dad raised you to be a caring, loving thinker. He’s succeeded, he’d be proud. Now take a deep breath and carry his legacy forward.
Your dad was so very proud of you!
I ain’t over it and that’s ok.
still very hard to see pics. a few have snuck in here and there and it’s fucking jolting.
a few dreams were not good at first then I had one that wasn’t bad and I felt a little better.
time heals a little. it’s not supposed to feel good but it does serve as a life marker of …hey that will happen to us too.
live!
Might be good to sit down with some of those heavy pictures, friend. Give it some thought
Having had a parent die, I can tell you that the feeling never goes away, but it does get easier.
What’s the best memory you have of your dad?
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And right there you have the path forward!
Hang in there, it might feel tough for a bit, but this too shall pass.
You cry less day after day.
But it takes time, for me it was years.
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And then it’s a random Thursday afternoon years later while you’re getting on with stuff and you make a noise/move/joke like your dad did and then you get a flood of memories and emotions hit you like a train and you have to step out for a bit.
Those are the fun ones. It feels bittersweet afterwards as you enjoy the memories but sad that that’s all you have now.
Sorry for your loss OP, and RIP dad - miss you old bugger.
My mom died 5 years ago. We used to hang out every day, she was the best person I’ve ever known. I think people mourn in different ways. Some prefer not to think about it. For me, I wanted to remember her more and talk about her, look at photos etc. A quote that stuck with me from that time is something like this: When a loved person dies, they leave a huge hole behind. The hole never gets smaller, but you grow around it. Turned out to be true.
The best advice might come off dickish since the question is about how to deal with parents death. Do everything you can while they are alive answer their calls listen to their advice and just listen dont argue. Take them on vacations with you take them out to diner often. Learn what they like to eat and cook for them, have an open door policy with them. Invite them often and make them a priority. So when the borrowed time is up you will have no regrets. Hug them like its the last time whenever you see them and most importantly be patient with them as it will come a day when you will not be able to do any of the above and you will trade it all for one more call from them!
I get that. My dad passed away when I was 19. I’m in my 50s now, and I still miss him. Not as much as I used to, but there will be a great song come on that reminds of him, or how he’d be impressed with my kid. And just every now and then I think about how he’d totally love all the technology we have these days. Man, this thread hit me in the feels.
I’m just saying that it gets easier over time, but it’s always there. YMMV
Came to say exactly this. Lost my dad at 18 and I’m 37 now, you just learn to live with it. Time makes it easier because it distances you and gives you lots of other experiences without them, but even decades later you might catch yourself thinking about them.
I always remember a quote by (GNU) Terry Pratchett:
No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away
And you yourself are a ripple, your father is alive within you, remember him and carry him with you.
Awwww, thanks for the kind words :)
I lost my mom back in January. I was luckily already going to a therapist who helped me deal with the initial shock and panic of her no longer being in my daily life. It’s still hard knowing I can’t speak to her about random bullshit daily like I used to. I guess I just have small moments where I talk to her ashes as if she was still here since I knew her well enough to know how she’d react.
