This is why I always bring two dinosaur grabbers. One for me cock, and one for the door.

Nice outfit you put on me. It would be a shame if I were to TURBO POOP MY PANTS.

Sniffles porn: Two vivacious nostrils ready to be stuffed with thick gunk

To think I would have gone to the grave without seeing this.

Me: I can’t wait to-
Some dude: Hey our lord is mad at the lord from the other hill, so grab a pitchfork and join our army…or else.

Never pass on pp fun times…unless it’s not your thing then absolutely pass on pp times.

Tequila: Listen man. You can dance.

If you’ve ever played dwarf fortress you will know.

There’s a Venn diagram between marines, furries, and rappers. They all tend to bark during songs.

Most banks will up this to 500k if you add your spouse to the account.

I thought it would make you console of Rome.

That first part of Crocodile Rock by Elton John. Really encapsulates the fact that I’m a silly willy.

What a great day to not put my face in a urinal.

Also being able to open that one pickle jar without the neighbor kid laughing at me.

Me: I miss you grandpa.
Ghost corporate grandpa: Buy a new car this weekend!

I would like to subscribe to guillotine critiques.