And that’s absolutely a view you are allowed to take. Nobody should force you to “move on” or “go get laid” or look down on you for not doing so. I would however strongly refute that everyone who does find another after losing someone is doing so to “fuck someone new”, for a lot of people that move is not one made lightly, and not something so minimally calculated.
But for the people that do make those choices, they are also not lesser or “liars”. Life can be very challenging, and connection, especially intimate ones (or lack thereof) can drastically change our feelings and wellness going through life. Some people find that connection on other people and choose to embrace it, others reject it to protect the sanctity of what came before.
I’m not trying to change your mind in either direction but to explain why other people may do what they do. There are several factors that could influence their decisions as well.
Some people don’t believe in an afterlife. They believe that when the person is gone, they’re gone. They hold memories dear, but they also know that suffering (if they feel that they are) for someone who is no longer here may not be worth the cost to their own wellness.
Some have had more than one experience like that. If I were to refuse to date anyone ever again because my 5 year relationship in highschool and college where we promised we would be together forever ended (for whatever reason). Am I a monster for finding love with another person because at the time I said and believed and truly swore we would be together? What if the separation was out of either of our control?
There’s also the aspect you have talked about, which is akin to honor. You have made a vow and promised it until death. You have every right to stand by it and dedicate yourself to it, but not to choose others decisions for them as well.
Holding your oath may be what carries you, but others may need or want further comfort in life. It doesn’t have to be sexual, but connection with other people in a way that truly shows them your heart is not something people can often find, and also not something many can just give up on in life.
Take the path that makes you happy, but if someone else’s decision means there are two less unhappy people in the world then it’s a decision worth making in my opinion.
Exactly, and that’s why I’m saying that she is making a false equivalence.
Although I’d say that even if it was just to “fuck someone new”, it still wouldn’t be as bad as she presents it. She can feel that way, and again, that is respectable and she is within her rights to do so, but her way of expressing it is moralizing and judgmental.
And that’s absolutely a view you are allowed to take. Nobody should force you to “move on” or “go get laid” or look down on you for not doing so. I would however strongly refute that everyone who does find another after losing someone is doing so to “fuck someone new”, for a lot of people that move is not one made lightly, and not something so minimally calculated.
But for the people that do make those choices, they are also not lesser or “liars”. Life can be very challenging, and connection, especially intimate ones (or lack thereof) can drastically change our feelings and wellness going through life. Some people find that connection on other people and choose to embrace it, others reject it to protect the sanctity of what came before.
I’m not trying to change your mind in either direction but to explain why other people may do what they do. There are several factors that could influence their decisions as well.
Some people don’t believe in an afterlife. They believe that when the person is gone, they’re gone. They hold memories dear, but they also know that suffering (if they feel that they are) for someone who is no longer here may not be worth the cost to their own wellness.
Some have had more than one experience like that. If I were to refuse to date anyone ever again because my 5 year relationship in highschool and college where we promised we would be together forever ended (for whatever reason). Am I a monster for finding love with another person because at the time I said and believed and truly swore we would be together? What if the separation was out of either of our control?
There’s also the aspect you have talked about, which is akin to honor. You have made a vow and promised it until death. You have every right to stand by it and dedicate yourself to it, but not to choose others decisions for them as well.
Holding your oath may be what carries you, but others may need or want further comfort in life. It doesn’t have to be sexual, but connection with other people in a way that truly shows them your heart is not something people can often find, and also not something many can just give up on in life.
Take the path that makes you happy, but if someone else’s decision means there are two less unhappy people in the world then it’s a decision worth making in my opinion.
Exactly, and that’s why I’m saying that she is making a false equivalence. Although I’d say that even if it was just to “fuck someone new”, it still wouldn’t be as bad as she presents it. She can feel that way, and again, that is respectable and she is within her rights to do so, but her way of expressing it is moralizing and judgmental.
Well said.