I (23M) am becoming increasingly aware that my regular exposure to political content seems to be incompatible with my own mental well-being.
I was raised by two narcissistic parents, one of whom was violent. I have very few positive or loving memories. My trauma turned my brain into a 24/7 threat detector. I’m constantly thinking about everything and everyone that could kill me or take everything I have.
The Internet has taught me that the world is less awful than the hellish place I came from. But I’ve hit a wall where I can’t get better because I am constantly being reminded by well-meaning people that everything in the U.S. is going to shit.
My trauma narrative eats this stuff up. It sees fascists on the streets, impending financial and ecological crises, the dangers of cars, widespread hyperindividualism, the decline of third spaces, and constant phone and social media use. Then it says, “Nobody can be trusted because capitalism makes everyone shallow and selfish. Going outside is dangerous because of cars and fascists. Most people don’t want to socialize because they are too busy. There are no good places to meet anyone. Everyone who does socialize is just a fair-weather friend because support is outsourced to paid therapy and the eroding welfare system. I’ll never be good enough for a partner because I can’t build a stable life and dating apps are designed to not work. Any job I get won’t last long because of the collapsing economy. Going to college is too financially risky. There is no stability. Nothing good ever lasts. My progress will be wiped out by systemic forces far beyond my control.”
It seems like U.S. politics is about instability and collapse at this point, and because I have so few positive memories, it feels like life itself is about instability and collapse. Your money, your job, your social circle, your health, everything you’ve worked for – all of it could just go up in smoke tomorrow. I can’t take anything for granted or have any confidence in the future. I can’t fully enjoy anything because I’m too busy thinking about how I’ll cope with its inevitable loss.
Is this really what life is? Just watching every good thing disappear? Being born into a mostly-functioning society just to watch it fall apart? Knowing you’ll have to weather every struggle alone because people only care about themselves? Being promised a stable life and career all throughout school only for the rug to be pulled at the last minute?
There has to be more to life than this.
Is staying on the Internet really worth it?
(Also yes I go to therapy, I’m working on myself but that shit is hard af sometimes)
Ah man. Kind of sounds like my internal thoughts sometimes, also was in an abusive household, entire family is maga and insane (potential mental disorders)
I definitely feel for you being that age in this shitty timeline. I won’t sugar coat it. Today’s world is shit. Everything was demonstratably better in the US 20 years ago. Especially for anyone interested in tech.
Youre right. Everything could go to shit tomorrow. I think this daily, I could get cancer and have a week to live, or damage my brain and be unable to work or do anything I enjoy forever.
Keep reading, I’m not done!
However ive found that turning that negative thinking into “I dont give a fuck” has really turned shit around for me. I’m here, I can’t choose my family, but beyond that, I can choose my friends and how I live my life and doing what I want without thinking about what others are doing or thinking.
Another huge help was reading The Power of Now (by Tolle. If you want a copy I’ll send you the eBook just message me). Ive read it three times. Its a massively calming book that really helped me just be.
Another helper, stop reading news bullshit. On my Lemmy app I block specific keywords (trump, ai, llm, openai, etc. ). Our human brains aren’t meant for this barrage of information and nothing you do is going to change all the evil people in the world. Uninstall Lemmy for a while and use wikwok to get your scroll fix and learn something while you’re at it! Or another tip, on weekends I either shut my phone off or leave it on the bedroom table like a house phone and check it once or twice a day if needed. Its much more freeing. Or just unplug your router and pretend its 1999, I have weekends like that too. Just enjoying the here and now.
Another thing you can do is find others similar to you either IRL or online and build community or at least moderate aquantanceship (word?). Someone told me this once and I think its good: the only thing that really matters in all this, is people who care. Thats really it. Finding people with similar beliefs and interests is really going to help especially if you live in magaland(it gets depressing, I know)
Your question of “staying on the internet” I’d say yes, because its awesome, but you need to get off corpo net. Build your bookmarks folder with individual websites from the smolweb, try out gopher or the Gemini protocol, etc. There is so much awesome shit on the internet that unfortunately has been buried and shoved out of our sight (on purpose by corpos) .Especially at your age, you may not have gotten to experience how awesome it used to be before corporations destroyed half of it. But there is still a beautiful human side of the internet; you need to dig for it. Use kagi, ecosia, searxng to find these hidden gems. Or Lemmy smolweb, I have found a lot there too. Stay off the big 3 corpo sites they are just cancer.
Also it does seem like you may have the mentality of “if I have nothing I have nothing to lose” which isnt a totally bad thing per se, but I like to ask myself if in 10 or 15 years I should have done a thing and if the answer is yes I’ll wish i would have, I’ll do it (example, gym. I hated the gym but I make myself go and its really not bad at all, and I’m hopefully prolonging my healthy life).
Anyway, youre obviously aware of the issue which is very good, a lot of folks aren’t and they turn to the manosphere or 4Chan trolling. Dont do that. You are already changing your thinking just by recognizing you want a change. Make small changes first.