I love to make really bad similes/metaphors like “I have the memory of a fish with very poor memory” or “I’m as tall as a tree thats my height”.
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A blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.
So the barman gave it to her.
The Tactical Velcro Opening Secret
It works really well sitting around a campfire with kids.
Why did the short-sighted man fall in the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
this one doesn’t work quite as well without speaking. but
“how do you think the unthinkable?”
“with an itheberg.” (iceberg with a lisp)
I didn’t understand
Say it out loud.
Still don’t get it :(
\Thay it in hith voithe
Am I this stupid ?
I still don’t understand the joke xD
Dude.
Bruh!
Broski…
Okay, I’ll make a final attempt…
In the joke, the ‘thinkable’ is actually ‘sinkable’.
Which is not clear when you say it the first time because it sounds like you’re saying ‘think’ & ‘thinkable’, both of which are actually words.
Trick lies in enunciating the punchline.
Hence the Mike Tyson reference.
Now, if you still haven’t got it, I really hope you are very very very rich so that you can survive in this world with that super smooth brain in your skull.
If you did get it now, henceforth it is your ethical and moral duty to spread this stupid-ass joke every time you get the chance.
God speed and be weird.Oh I get it now, thx !
Also I’m not a native English speaker
Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was< unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close down, but they would not. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They would not. So, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close their business. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Why do the french never have 2 eggs for breakfast?
Because 1 egg’s un oeuf.
What is Super Mario’s favorite vegetable? A Nintentato!
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Another one I’ve gotten a lot of good mileage out of
I once joked to my wife that avocados need to get better prizes because I always seem to get the same one- a little wooden ball.
Now, anytime I’m in the kitchen preparing something with avocados, I’ll let out an audible groan of frustration.
Which always prompts my wife to ask, usually from the other room “What’s wrong?”
To which I always reply “Another wooden ball”
Always good for a groan and some eye rolls from the wife. She never seems to see it coming.
"Do you know why that side is longer? "( Pointing at V formation of seagals flying over)
… “There’s more birds on that side”
It’s so fucking dumb and all about timing
