I guess the question is what do you gain by telling him? Was it a mistake that could be learned from, or is it just shit happens sometimes? Even if it’s a learnable moment, is it worth potentially destroying a man’s confidence in his trade for little to no benefit?

I don’t know the minutia of the situation, so I can’t really recommend with clarity. I’d be leaning towards not telling him.

Yeah but the ministry was never reformed post war, and the main character went to be a part of it. If anything it condones flawed systems that give rise to fascism.

You’ve somehow created a new phobia and solved it in the same paragraph. Good job!

You know I miss Vista a bit. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty decent, was a slightly undercooked version of 7. I’d happily take it’s ux over 11 any day.

I would say it depends on your ability to live your life in a way that makes you happy. It’s a kind of nothing answer, but human experience largely boils down to ability to self determine internally and externally.

This probably has been said but I want to chip in regardless.

People like this do not usually have a concrete goal, rather they are the ones who are acting in a shitty way just enough so the system rewards it, not enough to punish it. They have a fuzzy compulsion to seek more at any cost, when the current existence becomes slightly mundane they go for the next taboo thrill, the next bribe. They don’t have a stable existence and must consume forever, like a cancer.

This and the porn thing have been massively invasive in terms of privacy. It’s so transparently just building a database of facial data. It doesn’t even make an attempt to comprehensively block everything on the internet, or realistically enforce compliance.

Not a dog but he sure acts like one

That’s a good dog

Like the same job to multiple printers? I mean technically probably possible, but why?

Moon’s haunted

My cat found a snake in my study a week ago. He’s a good boy.

In Australia that might be considered a bit cold for shorts, but definitely within acceptable range.

Well that’s the inbuilt thoughts from a troubled childhood. It’s not anything special, pretty stock standard parental neglect

That would be the standard unshakable idea that I need to meet a certain approval criteria that will mean I’m worth love and care. It’s not valid, but I’m well aware it’s in there.

I didn’t do a great job of it, the gist of it is the nasty issues like inability to communicate, stonewalling, etc facilitated the ongoing small issues. For example I wasn’t allowed to do certain chores, but she wouldn’t keep up with them either. Easy to fix if communication is there, harder if all those issues are getting in the way.

Yeah I’ve been staying to wonder about that today, I do think my self worth was derived from the relationship, as my regular stuff kind of fell away as our lifestyle became incompatible with them. It’s a slow rebuild, but I felt relaxed for the first time in ages today, so progress is happening.

Oh my god leave the poor fuckers alone.

Because I loved them haha

But in general it’s less about that particular relationship and trying to convince myself that going forward the results of a relationship aren’t just going to be the same disregard as I’ve experienced in the past.

You are absolutely correct, I suppose it’s gotten a bit weird because the relationship was super odd regarding the intentions communicated vs the actual work put in. It was made things very muddy and it’s hard to understand my part in what went wrong, and reflect on if and what I need to change regarding my own behaviour. I don’t think I’ve experienced a situation where everything got this messy before.

I’ll try to be objective, everything here is either the objective truth or something both of us came to a consensus on.

It was a large and complex issue, last straw was I attempted to communicate that we would need to talk out our issues before we started co-living again, she took it as she wouldn’t be allowed to come back to the house without that talk right now. I ran that message past a few people before I sent it because we’ve had some nasty communication issues in the past, they did not think it was a reasonable reading of said message. It certainly not my intention.

We’ve also had a lot of issues on and off. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t mind that and is happy to work on this stuff, she’s got some anxiety issues and tends to avoid grappling with things. It was going okay for the first couple of years, and I was a much more forgiving, go with the flow kind of person back then. I started to feel like my priorities and needs weren’t important to her, chiefly because when I tried to communicate them to her she would sort of treat it as unimportant as a first reaction, then if I pressed the issue she would concede the importance, but then never make actual progress.

The most recent batch of issues came last year when there was a construction crew basically rebuilding the entirety of next door. They did a significant amount of damage to our property, and the noise was extremely loud from 7-2:30. She got home at 3ish. I needed some time to relax after the figurative siege of noise, she has dyspraxia and won’t turn off the anxiety and will use the anxious energy for housework. I also have moderate to severe PTSD regarding noises like that from childhood. It wasn’t a good combination. She also wouldn’t even acknowledge the problem for the first maybe 5 months, and basically didn’t do any of the legal work regarding the issues.

I started to have a breakdown in maybe August last year, where I stopped being able to do housework so easily, her answer to that was to force herself to do the things I wasn’t capable of at the time. I still kick myself for allowing that to happen, because it built up more antipathy that she never communicated, and even at the time I knew things going this way was a possibility.

Even up to the end we cared for each other, but how we were interacting was bad for both of us. My main frustration isn’t that we had these issues, but that I didn’t think they were insurmountable at all. People and relationships need work, and we both agreed on that in general, but the work discussed never materialised.

For my part my faults in this were I was too forgiving at the start, and too frustrated at the end. I don’t blame myself for that, the issues next door basically made me regress into the abused child on some level, but it did definitely lead to a lack of communication skills, and patience. I did okay, but not great.